


Oceans and Pirates

by Norangutan



Category: One Piece
Genre: (more will come later), (those are the ones who have showed up so far), Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 16:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11017572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Norangutan/pseuds/Norangutan
Summary: Nami buys a new board game and tries to get Luffy to play it. Things get a little out of hand.





	Oceans and Pirates

**Author's Note:**

  * For [UmiMumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmiMumi/gifts).



Oceans and Pirates

“You know the plan, right?” Trafalgar looked down at Nami, stone-faced. “Keep. Him. Occupied.”

“I got it,” Nami rolled her eyes. “Everyone agrees, Tra-guy. If he sees anything out there, he’ll blow the whole operation.”

“What do you have planned to keep him busy?”

“Well, Sanji’s using his first shift to feed him until he passes out, and Brook’s putting on a show with help in the pyrotechnics department from Franky and Usopp. That should take care of most of it, I think.”

Trafalgar’s eye twitched. “You have to stay inside your ship for this. Your _wooden_ ship.”

“That’s why I had Usopp help them.”

Trafalgar pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “I take it back. I don’t want to know about your plans. Just try not to kill yourselves before you’ve done your parts.”

“And if all else fails, I got this board game.” Ignoring him, Nami reached into her bag and whipped out a flat box still shrink-wrapped from the store. “It’s about making _Berries_.”

Trafalgar eyed it cautiously. “Start with that. Work up to the fireworks.”

Nami cocked her head. “Hey, that doesn’t sound like such a bad idea, actually.”

Trafalgar took a deep breath and headed for the door.

* * *

“Luuuuufffyyyyyyy,” Nami whined. “Why won’t you play this with me?”

“Franky and Brook said they had a surprise show for me. He’s going to sing Binks’ Sake—and I even taught him the words to my Baka Song!”

The last thing Nami wanted to hear was that Baka Song ever again, even if Brook could probably sing it on key. Her split-second hesitation before she could compose her face into one of deep emotional injury went completely unnoticed by Luffy, who was focused more on licking his plate clean. “But, Luffy,” she said, tearing up, “I bought this game so we could play it as a _crew_.”

Luffy finally looked up at the sound of her sniffle and threw his plate into the sink behind him with a crash. “Whoah—hey. I didn’t—I didn’t know you felt that strongly about it. Okay, great. Yeah! We can play your game. What’s it called?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Nami brightened instantly. “Here, let me read you the rules. Rule one: The point of this game is to buy up every square on the board. Everyone starts with 200,000 Berries…”

Luffy deflated onto the tabletop and picked at the objects in front of him despondently until he found a purple velvet bag and opened it. “Hey, that’s a straw hat!”

“Those are the pieces you move around the board. Here, you take your hat, and I’ll take… this baton! Cool!”

“There’s a slingshot, a sword, a frying pan, a violin, a flower petal, a cola bottle, and… Is this a dog? Or a raccoon?”

“I don’t know, Luffy, put it back.” Nami read ahead in the instruction manual. “Place your token on the We Go square and roll the dice. Then move your token that many spaces forward.”

Luffy counted them out. “Hey, I’m in Arlong Park. What’s that mean?”

“Do you want to buy it?”

“I thought I destroyed it.”

“In the game, Luffy. Do you want to buy it in the game?”

“I can buy it?”

“Yes!”

“I want to destroy it again.”

“Luffy, that’s not an option!” Nami flipped through the instructions as though she meant to find a page labeled, “What To Do If You’re Playing With Monkey D. Luffy and He Comes Up With Some Stupid Shit.”

“Why not?”

“You can only buy it or move on.”

“I don’t want to buy it or move on. I want to destroy it. That place sucked.”

Nami put her head in her hands. “Fine, you’ve destroyed it. It’s rubble. Now it’s my turn.”

“How do I know it’s been destroyed?”

Nami’s hand stopped mid-shake. “What do you mean?”

“We’re supposed to keep going around this board, right? What if one of us lands on it again?” Luffy’s arm shot out and started rummaging through some of the drawers on the other end of the room.

Nami stared at him. She didn’t think he’d actually been listening. “Well, uh. Someone can still buy it, I suppose. For a discount,” she added, eyes lighting up. “Since it’s got, hm, property damage.”

Luffy’s hand shot back with a quill. “Great! What’s the new price?”

“Let’s say… 1,000 berries—Wait! Don’t write on that, I just bought it!”

Luffy had already crossed out the original price of 10,000 berries. “I thought you said _I_ could buy it.”

“The game—the board. I just bought the _board_ , Luffy. The whole game is mine, and you’ve just scribbled all over it!”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“You owe me 3,000 berries. With interest.”

“Okay. Here you go.”

“REAL MONEY, YOU IDIOT!”

“Ow!”

Nami sat back down and began using a napkin to blot out what she could. “Get me a piece of paper. We’ll make notes so we can remember what we’ve done. In this game.”

Still rubbing his head, Luffy went through the drawers again until he found a notebook. “Here.”

“Perfect.” Nami started writing. “Okay. My turn.”

“Syrup Village?”

“I’ll buy it!”

“You can’t buy it. It’s Usopp’s!”

“Technically, it’s Kaya’s,” said Nami absently, counting out her money.

“But if anyone lands on it, the money goes to you. That’s not fair.”

Nami glanced at the board and back at Luffy. “Honestly, Luffy, I’m pretty sure this game wasn’t designed to be ‘fair.’”

“Then what was it designed to be?”

Nami paused. “I don’t know. But the rules are the rules, and if I buy Syrup Village, then I get rent from anyone who lands on it.”

“No.” Luffy picked up the slingshot and jabbed it, stem down, into the board so that it stood straight up like a mainmast right above the little blue rectangle.

“Luffy!” It came out as a gasp, but Nami felt like screaming.

“This is Usopp’s. He gets rent.”

She grabbed the slingshot token and shook it in his face. “He’s not playing!”

Luffy frowned and glanced at the door. “Aw, really? I thought you said we were going to play this as a crew. Where are they, anyway?” His neck began to stretch, bringing his head closer and closer to the porthole window.

Nami rammed the slingshot back into its hole and started counting out bills to put at an empty place at the table. “Okay, okay, Usopp gets rent. See? He’s got a seat and everything. Come on, Luffy, there are dumplings in the fridge.”

“What?” Luffy’s neck swung around instantly and in a moment he was standing in front of the fridge, which Sanji had conveniently “forgotten” to lock. “Oh, boy!”

Nami rubbed her forehead. This might be harder than she thought.

* * *

Usopp wandered in just as Nami was beginning to wonder how long she could keep this up. “Usopp!” she cried, jumping up and dragging him to the table. “You’re right on time! Here, sit down.”

“I—uh—what—where—” Usopp stammered, losing his balance neatly into the seat in front of the small pile of fake Berries they’d laid aside earlier. “No, I’m here to—”

“Here’s your starting money, there’s your token. Let’s go.” Nami kept a hand on his shoulder as she sat back down, keeping firm pressure on him throughout. He’d get the hint.

“What is this?” Usopp flipped through a few bills, then fanned them out. “What’s going on?”

“It’s this new game Nami found,” Luffy explained, handing him the slingshot token that had been marking the Syrup Village square for the last few rounds. “You try to get One Piece.”

“You try to buy up all the spaces on the board,” Nami corrected. “But we’ve… made some adjustments.”

Usopp leaned forward to get a better look at the extra pieces of paper tucked haphazardly under the board and the notebook that was resting between him and Nami. The ink had hardly finished drying on half the words, so he took the preceding pages and went through them gently. “This is… a lot.”

“Well, they had all these mystery rules about houses and hotels and it didn’t make any sense—”

Nami snorted. “They made perfect sense. You just didn’t want to follow them.”

“What do hotels have to do with being a pirate?” Luffy demanded.

“They’re just to make you more money when someone lands on your square!”

“Pirates don’t have houses. They have ships. They have _crews_ ,” grumbled Luffy.

“That’s true, but, Luffy, come on,” said Usopp, putting down the notebook and starting on the official rules. “It looks like you made it even more complicated.”

“Nuh uh.”

 “Then what’s all this?” Usopp gestured to the papers under the board, which were filled with writing and arrows and crossing out in different handwriting.

“Well, they were missing places, so we added them.”

“Orangetown… Island of Rare Animals… Warship Island?” Usopp read aloud. “I don’t know. The fewer people know about millennium dragons, the better.”

“Exactly,” said Nami in a vindicated tone, sitting back.

“Apis and Gaimon and Chouchou were good friends. They deserve a place on this board,” said Luffy stubbornly.

“The point isn’t about friends, it’s about _treasure_ ,” sighed Nami. Usopp and Luffy exchanged a look, which she didn’t miss. “What?”

“You’re terrible,” said Usopp.

“Hey! Just because I’m trying to keep to the spirit of the game doesn’t mean you can go around insulting me.”

“If the ‘spirit of the game’ is all about money and not about fun, then I don’t want to play,” said Luffy.

“Believe me, Luffy, we’re not playing that game anymore. This is… I don’t even know how to describe this.”

Usopp shook his head and picked up the dice. He clearly had his work cut out for him. “I’ll just roll, shall I?”

* * *

Zoro scratched at his bandages, pausing only when he noticed he was drawing blood. Trafalgar was getting on his back to go get Nami, but wasn’t that supposed to be Usopp’s job? Why did he have to do everything himself? He opened the door to the kitchen and stopped, as much at the amount of noise that burst on him as from the sight that greeted his eye.

“I’m gonna hit that old Split-Head with my club!” yelled Luffy, one foot on the table and the other on his chair. “He won’t get away with this!”

Nami’s shoulders sagged. “Luffy, no! We have to keep collecting these stupid birdies! We need at least five to win!”

“Roll for dexterity,” said Usopp, a wicked grin growing under his Foxy Pirates mask.

Nami groaned.

“I got a 3. What does that mean?”

“You miss Foxy, but only because your club slips from your fingers. It hits one of your birdies, which drops your ball into some nearby quicksand and flies back to the starting line. Foxy is too busy laughing at you to hit you with a noro-noro beam, though.”

“Aw, man. Can I punch him instead?”

“No, your turn is up. It’s Nami’s. Nami, you have minutes to live. What do you do?”

Nami’s groan turned into a small scream and she raked her fingers down her face. When she opened her eyes, she saw Zoro standing in the doorway. “ZORO! Thank god!”

“What are you guys doing?”

Three voices started talking at once.

“Nami bought this game—”

“I swear, this isn’t as bad as it looks—”

“Zoro! How good are you at minigolf?”

Zoro stared at Luffy. “Minigolf?”

“Yeah! That’s what we’re playing.”

“Doesn’t look like it. What’s with the mask?”

Usopp slid the fox ears up his face and onto his bandana. “I’m the Games Master. I’m in charge of the Davy Back Challenge in Long Ring Long Land, and right now the Straw Hats are being pulverized at putt-putt.”

“I thought you said Nami has ‘minutes to live?’”

Usopp shrugged. “She’s stuck in quicksand.”

“Which, I keep telling you, shouldn’t be on the field!” Nami gestured to a large map on the table that looked like it had been adapted from an unsatisfactory sea chart.

“What’s the good of calling it a ‘sand trap’ if it doesn’t do any trapping?”

“I still think you’ve never played this game in real life.”

“I survived on a carnivorous island for two years with nothing but my wits and my will to survive. I think I know how ‘real life’ works, thank you very much.”

“What does carnivorous anything have to do with putt-putt? If you ask me, that just screwed up your perception of real life even more. Not everything is going to eat you, you know.”

“Ha! That just proves how wrong you are! Everything _does_ want to eat me! I’m the greatest-tasting human there is! They don’t call me Captain Appetizing Usopp for nothing!”

“ _What_ are you talking about? No one’s ever called you that in your life.”

“…I was famous for it on the Boin Archipelago.”

“You mean the uninhabited island that wants to eat literally everything?” Zoro asked.

“Shut up. You can’t talk to the Games Master that way,” said Usopp, pulling his mask down and striking a pose. “Nami. Your turn.”

Zoro sat down next to Luffy. “Why are there so many dice?”

“We roll them to see how well we do,” whispered Luffy.

“So it’s left up to chance? That doesn’t sound right,” said Zoro.

“Ah, you can fight with him until he gives you something you like,” Luffy shrugged. “It’s more fun that way.”

Zoro grunted and picked up the sword token.

“That goes here,” said Nami, lifting up the map to show the board underneath. “Normally we’d start you over on the We Go square, but since you’re going to be playing putt-putt with us you can just skip ahead.”

“Who decided that?” demanded Usopp. “Make him start at the beginning, just like everyone else.”

Zoro looked up and made eye contact with the self-styled Games Master.

“…Or not,” said Usopp sheepishly, adjusting his mask. “Never mind. Nami. Roll!”

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try to get around to updating this. I don't know what's going to happen, really. But everyone's going to show up, just as Luffy wants. Because Luffy always gets what he wants. 
> 
> Brat.


End file.
